"YOU ARE SUPERMOM!"
That is what multiple other women said to me as I packed up my 4 little boys and 3 foster babies (7 kids 7 and under) in my 12 passenger van. Or the times I had started my own business, was homeschooling my littles during COVID, or who knows what the heck else.
I am a 3 on the Enneagram and have always reveled in the identity of being someone who can do "it all". I liked when people seemed impressed and I liked to prove to myself that I could handle more and more... and more.
But the problem was.. behind the girl who seemed to do it all, there was actually
- a girl who 5 years ago STRUGGLED with finances, had a negative net worth, and a boatload of debt. (Not anymore, thank God!)
- a girl who NEEDED a daily 2-hour nap because she was so exhausted (and who later found out her hormones were allllll out of whack).
- a girl who carried some jacked-up mindsets regarding what it meant to be a "good mom." Hence, the 500 million hats I would try to wear.
But I kinda liked it.
I liked the affirmation from people. I liked being seen as someone who could handle a lot and still show up for people. And honestly, I liked everything I was doing. I loved my business, and being a mother and a wife. I loved loving on babies in foster care until they could be reunified with their bio parents. I loved all the sporting events my boys had and homeschooling them during the 2020-2021 school year after COVID hit.
But I knew deep down that I was on borrowed time.
I couldn't keep this pace and still show up emotionally, mentally, and physically for my family the way I wanted to.
I realized that I needed support.
I needed support with tangible things like meals, laundry, deep cleaning my house, and keeping up with cutting the grass. So one day - in a rage (you know the kind) - I started realizing I needed help.
And so I got it.
I remember one day sitting in my house that was just deep cleaned by a friend, listening to a mowing service mow my yard, while having a meal service bring us meals for the week, and a laundry service pick up/wash/dry/fold/drop back off 42 lbs of laundry in a 24-hour span - all while I was sitting there sipping HOT coffee (for once).
And I genuinely wondered what the heck I was supposed to do with all this free time now. I remember thinking to myself - nothing.
You get to sit your butt down on the living room floor and play with your kids, read the book you've been putting off, and just be.
And for the record, I wasn't doing "nothing". I was making room to be present in areas that I hadn't been in a long time because of my constant hustle!
I was making room to have mental, emotional, and physical energy for the people and things that mean the most to me.
I realized at that moment that just because I had the time to do something didn't mean I had to be the one to spend the energy doing it.
It wasn't until I loosened my grip of chasing after this title of being seen as "supermom," that I began to make room to invest in what I needed most.
Slowing down led me to realize that:
- I had a ton of hormones out of balance which was causing my exhaustion.
- One of my boys needed extra support in an area I did not have expertise in - so I began putting pieces together and realized that Occupational Therapy was the support he needed.
- Other people are better at things than I am (like, a lot better.)
- Energy is my most valuable resource right now - not time.
Honestly, the most sobering realization of all was that my love of being seen as "supermom" was stealing my impact as a mother.
Here's the thing. I needed help. I needed support. Some support needed to be ongoing, like my friend deep cleaning my home - hello 4 little boys can be MESSY, and some support was a one-time thing, like the laundry service.
As I opened up about this I started realizing that idolizing "being a supermom" is preventing so many women from asking to be supported in ways they NEED support (myself, obviously, included)
But the #1 block I see is so often is all the shame and guilt that women feel when it comes to finances. So many people think it's embarrassing to be 25 or 35 or however old and not understand how to budget, invest, or even say no to yourself. The truth is, however, that so many of us weren't taught how to handle money and most of us have a pretty messed up mindset surrounding money.
But women have a hard time asking for support because it shows a weakness they may have. So many people live a life that looks financially secure on the outside but in reality they are losing sleep at night because they don't know what the heck they are doing.
There are also women out there who feel horrible all the time. So tired, stressed, low libido, experiencing crazy mood swings, etc. and they struggle to reach out for hormonal support because they think that's "just how they are." But let's be honest - it can also feel embarrassing to admit that you are so exhausted, struggle with low libido, or have a life that people envy that you feel the need to escape from, but there is tons of support out there!
When we hide our weaknesses from the world and have our best foot forward all the dang time, we lose out on something beautiful.
We lose out on a healthy financial life.
We lose out on balanced hormones and having energy.
We lose out on seeing the small clues our babies are showing us that something may be off.
We lose out on satisfying friendships, marriages, and careers.
>If you struggle with finances and then get support - you can now teach your children how to have healthy finances because YOU have healthy finances.
>If you struggle with your health and get support - you can now teach your children how to live a healthy lifestyle because YOU are living a healthy lifestyle.
>If you struggle in your marriage and then get support - now you can teach your children how to fight for something worth fighting for because YOU learned how to fight the good fight.
I could go on and on, but I believe 100% that the way we leave the legacy we want to leave is by remembering that we are still breathing. We are still kicking. The world did not call a timeout the second we had babies and forget to put us back in the game. We are in the game and we are so important. We do not subscribe to the "hot mess mom" culture of 2021. Nor do we subscribe to the "supermom" culture.
We are mothers who stand strong in our strengths and lead others where we can. We are mothers who also then acknowledge our weakness and seek guidance because we know that once we learn, we become empowered to teach our children, and THAT is where true generational change begins.
So sweet sister, let's normalize asking for help because you (and I) are already supermom. Even with all the help and support in the world. Because when you seek guidance, you are setting yourself and your babies up to leave a beautiful legacy through your motherhood.
Here is my final question to you:
What would change in your life if you were supported in an area that you don't consider a strength of yours?
I want you to figure that out. <3
And if it's personal finance help you need - I'm your girl.